Let me tell you about a LOVE story…
On December 27, 2000 my life completely changed forever … My son was born … I was 22 at the time… Young, dumb, naïve… I had no clue of who I was …For 9months I was terrified out of my mind… I was making a baby inside my body… Lord what does that mean? What am I supposed to do now? At the time I had a husband in my life, but the truth remains that a man has the choice to walk away at any time …As for me …this little life belong to me… thru God I made him, my blood, my skin, my eyes… I am solely responsible… So many thoughts ran thru my mind… What if I didn’t make him proud? What if I failed him as a mother?... It was all moving too fast… I wasn’t ready… I watched my belly grow, I felt him move… I knew I had been given a job that was more important than anything else I could have ever imagined… Christian came into this world … I looked at his face… Our eyes met… from there my son saw right thru me…every fault, every error I had ever made, every untruth, every fear… He saw it all… From that very moment I transformed, my heart changed… I had a job to do, God trusted me enough to put this healthy soul in my arms so I must provide... Honestly I have made many more mistakes since then but I’ve never stopped trying to do better, learn more and live fuller. Even in my darkest hours of life when I wanted to just give up… I had to dust off my feelings and keep it moving… Christian's life gave my life so much meaning…It gave me purpose.
Lately I have been stressing out so much about my purpose in this life… I mean like literally crying, praying and misunderstanding why I wake up, walk around and go to work everyday to a job that makes me feel so numb. Here I am thinking I should be the next Beyonce, Oprah, and Michelle Obama… Like where is my door? Where is my chance? I was talking to a close friend about my feelings and that friend told me that it takes a lifetime to discover one’s purpose. My friend said that God uses your life and its experiences to show you that he is in control of your purpose and when you are ready to handle what his purpose is for your life than you will know… This good friend said Nikee look at your life… You have three beautiful children… No you are not the next Beyonce, Oprah, Barack or Michelle… But your children have the chance to be… Your purpose is your children… You do what you are supposed to do by them and your purpose has been fulfilled…
The light bulb flashed on PEOPLE… Here I am searching for something that has been right in front of me the whole time… My purpose… Christian, Johrdon and Carsyn….
My purpose is to provide, nurture and guide them… I need a better world for them… Honestly children teach you more about life than anything else… They wake up every day with a light in their eyes that shows no fear, patience and no judgment… to try this world one more time… Just give it a chance MOM is what their smiles say… indescribable LOVE…There is just something about it, you can’t break it, find words to describe it, or alter it. It told me I was here for a reason… a purpose… I promised my kids a lot, and I haven’t fulfilled all of it yet, but it’s coming.
Use everything that happens to you, for you. If you don’t like it, change it, if it’s not working, fix it. If anything that you have been through in your life up to this point was meant to stop you, it would have… it’s all been for your good whether you understood it or not… I know it’s not about me… this world…this life … these kids… on any level. That’s why I thank God for grace and mercy because I’m blessed to be able to serve, inspire and motivate. This good friend looked at my life and said " to do what you do every day you have to be a believer". That I am… It’s hard sometimes…actually 95% of the time I am praying to the Lord to help me get up out this bed… but Love won’t let me wait… I have a purpose… Good Love is for teachers, forgivers and builders…It’s reserved for people who are willing to put in the work. .. I am proud to be a mother, and I am thankful… God knew exactly what he was doing… When I think about what I WOULD have been doing right now instead… believe me I wouldn’t trade it… Thank You God for this LOVE….
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