"Bag Lady"

Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you….(Erykah Badu)

I was filling out an application for a house rental and I got to the space that stated:

MARRIED___ DIVORCED___ SEPERATED__ SINGLE__

O_o!!!! To me in my mind I was technically all of these things as women and men we can be a whole lot of things and no one would ever know it… but how?? I can’t never say I wasn’t married theoretically a little unfinished paperwork can keep you right there, on all my future applications I would forever have to mark the box divorced unless I remarried, I was legally separated and single as hell.  So I’m going to check all the boxes…teehee…teehee (In my facetious mind)… Truthfully, sounds like I was holding on to a whole lot of unnecessary junk… call me “Bag Lady”….

I am married, divorced, separated and single with amazing kids…sounds like a lot to carry alone, but I was and the key was to move forward and focus on co-parenting these kids.  So my 8 ½ , 9 year marriage did not work out exactly the way I planned it in my head… Lord you have such a sense of humor sometimes…LOL … What’s my Plan B???  Definitely not to be a “Bag Lady” for the rest of my life…I had the most important job ever and that was to be the mother of some amazing kids and in order to fulfill that goal I had to take measures to be the most efficient mother that I could be and co parent as healthy as possible.

When you are hurt by something  or someone your first instinct is to remove whatever it is from your life…you don’t want to see it, hear it, touch it and that was my reaction to my ex…To remove him completely out of my future and put him in my past. For some that is easy to do if you don’t have anything binding you together, but for me that wasn’t the case I had beautiful children with my ex so removing him just for my sake was not an option.  I had to take my ex out of my past and put him into my children’s right now and their future…Oh boy that was hard because I had this list of all the reasons why I disliked him.  I had to pray hard to remove him from a place of hurt and pain for me and put him into a place of optimism and achievement for my children.  I had to question myself, “Do I really want my ex to be a bad parent??? “ Heck No!! … All parents want the best possible situations for their children so the ultimate goal is for both parents to get on the same squad with the equivalent end objectives.  That means I have my ex’s back when it comes to the children and although he may not always have mine I must put him in the best possible position to succeed with the children even though I may feel as if he is not doing as many things as equally as I am.  The faithfulness is to the children and they are more important than any feeling that I have towards my ex.  I removed all the doubt of his parenting skills and begin informing him of certain activities, accomplishments and events that the children were involved in.  Positivity breeds positivity… The “bag lady” let the bags go and stopped wishing he wouldn’t show up or that I never had to see him. It is much better for the children if they had both parents there cheering them on.  Remember getting past things with a failed relationship is hard, but both parents have to remember who they are ultimately rooting for …”The Kids”…

I know easier said than done and not all breakups are created equally, you may have a great deal of healing to get past.  Seek the things that you need to get thru it; whether it is professional help or what, the important aspect is getting what you need separately so that you can efficiently raise your child.  Give a little grace.  Grace is something that isn’t deserved but rather freely given.  God blesses us with Grace and Mercy on a daily basis, so we should do the same for everybody especially for the child’s sake.  We all fall down, every day and get back up so judging each other will not get either parent any further in the child’s eyes.  Together you and your ex made a beautiful blessing that alone should make you want to be the best co-parents that a child could have… Walk with Me!!!

Feel free to comment or ask questions:
1. Do you co parent with your childs other parent well?
2. What are some helpful tips that other co parents use?